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Friday, August 29, 2008

Sangap Sangap

Macam biasa selepas mandi, aku akan berdating dengan Mr. Leno Black.Banyak betul benda yang hendak diluahkan.Sorry la Leno, awek mu ini asyik suka hati jer bila nak dating.Kekadang muka masam, kekadang tersengih sesorang cam kerang busuk.Please don’t get bore with me.

Honestly sejak aku bertukar kerja kat Kulim, hari-hari ku makin kelam.Terlampau sangap.Ye la dulu tetiap hari nampak klcc, badmood jer leh midnight ngan member-member.Sini kalo nak di buat cenggitu susahlah tempat melepak jauh pastu terpaksa melalui hutan belantara.Disebabkan aku ni perempuan dan tinggal bersama family terpaksalah aku mematuhi peraturan.Huh, selama ni semua benda aku buat suka hati tapi di sini rasa cam terkongkong.

Pastu sini sangat sunyi, populasi manusia nya sangat kurang.Agaknya sebab tu semua orang bising suruh kahwin.Kalo dulu pon aku sesorang tapi tak sesunyi ini.Dulu aku bebas merayap sesorang, rasanya tak ada sapa perasan. Kalau aku nak membaca kat Kinokuniya tu satu hari tu pon rasanya nobody will recognize. Tapi kat sini kalo aku merayau sesorang rasa cam sumer perasan aku nih lonely ranger.Tak selamat tul.Stress.

I miss my life, makin lama makin aku kehilangan identiti ku.Hmm…aku rindukan Taman Titiwangsa tempat yang selalu aku berjogging almost hujung minggu.Aku rindukan Tesco Ampang,Jusco Maluri,Wangsa Maju.Aku rindukan midnite kat KLCC.Aku rindukan event yang selalu dibuat di sana. Aku rindukan gurau senda member-member.

Kulim is not really bad place but honestly for person who always doing thing alone like me it seem very difficult.Hah..thinking about it made me stress become a woman.If I am guy, I think I don’t have to be so strictful.Boleh kuar bila-bila jer takyah risau sgt pasal security, pastu takde orang nak pandang serong.Bestnyer kalo jadi lelaki.

Hah…Tension.I really hope that my perspective will change faster.Tuhan tolong tunjukkan jalan kepada ku.Amin

p/s: Plan dapat gaji beli buku.Duduk rumah baca jer buku.Huh..boleh ker?Try jer la

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Heart to Craddle

My weakness is I always afraid of love. Stay together with my family makes me feel even weaker. Just always worry whether I able to be a good daughter, good big sister. I always cry when I think about it.

When little sister did something false, I am not sure whether I should yell or just keep quite. If my father said something I am not sure how to act. When I laugh together with my mother, I just wondering whether I am doing the right thing or not? Indeed, love is something that I am not sure. Yet still I set prayer, “God please bless my parents, my siblings and my friends…”

Being a sister, a child is forever task. No MC, no annual leave. Sometimes I think that’s why we need to consider it a lot before building a family because there is no turning back. Honestly, besides feeling hurt and all those tears I am happy become one of family member. I am happy to see their smile and I always longing for that.

But love is that, I am not sure whether I am right or wrong. Sometimes I wanted to hold their heart but without realize I squeezed it so tightly until it broken.
Sometimes if I got problem, I wanted to shout, to cry freely but then my mother will look at me sadly which makes me feel guilty. Dear mom, can I cry? Can you let me shout and cry for a little bit? You should know that I feel tired not because of you, but just because I tried to run fast.

So give me a break. When I stayed at KL, I can cry freely until I feel calm down. If my mom calls I can just simply lie that I got flu. But here, I don’t know where to hide this sad ugly face. People always want to see happy face, so where can I cry?

Don’t worry mom, if I come back home late. Just pray for my safety, just let me cry so I can go home cheerfully as your daughter.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Unid Psychic

I had weird dream last night. In the morning when I arrived, it’s like dream come true. I stared at my officemate face. He shaved his moustache a little. I quite shivering, because I rarely dreaming and sometimes my dream turn to be real.

In my dream, he shaved all hair in his face and I asked him.”Why you shave it?”
“I am not handsome so I shaved it.” Then I shouted at him and bla … bla...

This morning I asked him for confirmation. He said,” Every Thursday I shaved it.”

Phew.At least my dream is not really come true and I am not psychic.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

For all time

I bought new notebook Lenovo.I called it Leno

Here some summaries on what happening to me lately.

Reason to smile
Everybody in this world have problems, stress sometimes end up by commit suicide. If we’re thinking about it, there’s no reason to be happy.
Huh…every morning I try to pull my lip to cheek, make a smile.Smile.Be happy. I smile simply just because I don’t want to be sad. Simple .Boleh ke?

Blank...
Lately I feel something wrong with my brain.I get blur easily , and looks like I lost in my own world, even I don’t know where is it.All the words that come to me is fading and I always end up with ,”Huh?”
I having difficulties to remember thing, even the things that I used to do.Feeling uncertain and I don’t why.My God, how I suppose to work when my brain is in hibernate mode.

My Monkey Cat
Sometimes I am thinking whether the creature that meowing in my house is a cat or monkey. So so naughty. All my thing ruined because of him. I am not sure why he hates me so much. All my thing, just named it, clothes, makeup and even my lovely Ceri all have his trace. Sana sini.
I really wanted to tie him and hang him at rambutan tree, let the monkeys eat him
But I ended up with shout, “You’re EVILLLLL…” With kisses on his forehead.

Ceri Parit
It was Israk Mikraj which related to Prophet went to sky and bla…bla…But it also related to Ceri who went into parit (drain) in palm oil field. Ceri , you always being naughty. Before this you kiss Ceri tree passionately, until I need to claim insurance. Now you kiss parit even ringan-ringan still I lost rm 400.

Stupid Ceri Parit.I need to tebus maruah with my money.I lost my dignity. Siut la lu Ceri, or should I said siut la Unid. You‘re crazy driver.

Great Sister
I messing up with my work until I got sms from my younger sister.
“I am very thankful to God cause giving me a great sister like you.I hope that God always bless you ”
I just stared on it and think what a sudden?
Late evening my mom give me a call.
“Today is your sister’s birthday, why don’t you wish her”
Huh, that explains all about what a sudden. Sorry sis, I even forgot my own birthday.