Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Rolling Star Inside Me

I put my Blog theme as "Rolling Star Inside Me" because I imagined happiness,cheerful life,I want to be happy as happiest person in this world.Of course happiness is not something that simple and easy.But to achieve happiness I think I should be happy in the first place.

I want to be myself, doing anything I like without thinking other people thought.And of course it should bring happiness to other people because my source of happiness come from other peoples happiness.I never can be happy if it caused other people crying.It same with you rite?!But sometimes when it difficult, we should choose the right thing.Life is choosing after all.Choose to be happy!!

Be myself, and never ignore others.Then I found out a song sang by Yui, Rolling Star.
The song is really popular especially when it's become Bleach SOT.There many songs from Yui that I loves.So I think that my blog and the title "Rolling Star" is really cute coincident.I am happy yoo!

Unid's:I not only loves Star but also Moon,Sun,Earth and other planets.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Sleepy Day

I could not help it. The trainer gave the best presentation that he could but what‘s wrong with me. His voice was crystal clear but suddenly it sound so soft, went through my ear. I could not catch whatever he said. He shoot a few questions sometimes I just answered it without understand the question. Thanks for those alarm questions.

My eyes felt really heavy. The presentation was nice but during night sometimes my body could not bear it. I was so sorry to the trainer, but I felt even sorry to myself. Such important training but I could not resist myself from getting sleepy. What a waste?!It’s terrible!!!At last, I try to doodle something in my notebook. Usagi?I don’t why I draw usagi, maybe it ear looks cute while sleeping. At last, I drew something that I titled Neko-chan and Usagi-chan.

Unid’s: I wondering why the trainer still look energetic until night?!He must have some sort of secret. If I become trainer, for training that last until night, I was sure enough that I will faint (sleep) without fail.

At end of the training,I completed my drawing.

Monday, July 9, 2007

The Foolish Traveler

A foolish traveler was on a journey. He was so foolish that he was easily tricked by others.

“Please, money for medicine…”He was tricked by the villager and lost his clothes and shoes in order to help them.

“My sister is sick…”
“I have no money to buy seeds for the field…”

But, since the traveler was a fool, even when the villagers thanked him with lies saying “You saved me”, he believed them and kept saying, “Be happy, be happy!”

In the end, the traveler became bare-naked, and was so ashamed. So he went inside the forest. But this time, he met the monsters living in the forest. The monsters wanted to eat the traveler’s body so they began to trick him with lies. Of course, the traveler fell for it so he gave away his legs and arms, one by one.

In the end, the traveler only had his head left. Then he gave away his eyes to the last monster. As the monster ate the traveler’s eyes, it said, “Thank you. I’ll give you a present in return.”, and left something behind. But it was just a piece of paper that had “Fool” written on it”. Yet the traveler began to cry.”Thank you! Thank you! I’ve never gotten a present before!”

“I’m happy! I’m happy! Thank you! Thank you”, he said and poured tears out of his already gone eyes. And then the traveler died soon after.

The story ends here. My classmates all called the traveler a fool. But I closed my eyes, and thought about the traveler. I thought of the traveler, fooled and only left with his head, crying while saying “Thank you”.

Then I said to myself,”Ah! How lovely this is…”

Losses or suffering, it’s no use worrying about them. The wanderer didn’t worry about those. Even if it’s something considered foolish by others. I didn’t think it was foolish. Even if it’s someone who easily fooled by others, I didn’t try to fool him. I just really wanted to make others happy. How about Yuki? How about Kyo? Do you still…think it was foolish? With your eyes closed, what do you think?

p/s: Fruit Basket Episode 11 .Sometimes we always worry the simple things

Are you married yet?!

Friday 06/July/2007

How do I start this? I never think I going to write it on the first place. But when you getting older, a lot of people will ask you one common question:”When you will get married?”
And usually I will answer it as simple as I can just to kill the conversation such as:
1.”Nobody loves me”
2.”I am too busy”
3.”I don’t want to get marry yet”

But whatever answer I gave, I still got a lot of complaint such as
1.”Nobody loves you or you always reject people”
2.”You getting older, hurry up marry and get baby!”
3.”You must work hard to get marry” (I hate this the most)
4.”How about I introduced you to this guy…bla..bla.. (I also hate this)

Actually I do have my own answer, the long one. Maybe it will take a lot of time to explain it but I hope I can simplify it in this blog. But I knew, there still a lot of complaint if I explain it during conversation, so I just write up everything so whenever people ask me question, I can say “Please refer to my blog”. Ha ha ha.

Reason I don’t want to get marry yet. Is not like I hate marriage or what, but I always pray to God.”If You see I am capable to be a wife and mother, please send me a good guy. If not, please don’t. I don’t want to ruin my family”. So can I assume that my prayer is heard and for this time being I am not capable enough to hold that responsibility?

Why is that so?!Let me clear this up. I was born in happy family. I experienced being happy child, when my parent can give a lot of love and money. I ate well, have a lot of toys where I ended up ruined it all. Then a few years after that, my family getting bigger and bigger and “something bad” happens. Our economic condition is ruined and our loves seem like cracked.

I try my best to survive same goes with my family. I experienced starving and almost a lot of bad things. There are some days when my younger brother asks me,” Along, I am hungry. What should we eat?”Sometimes I took my scholarship (was not much at that time, rm600 per year) where I allocate my budget for books to buy rice and food. I still heard that voice in my heart right now, what a lovely day I tasted .I can still see how my brother ate rice mixed with salt happily. Some people feel pity of us and gave clothes or something. I hate to bear it, but I can’t refuse it.

My mom working hard every day, even she was sick. She working at several factories and facing a lot of trouble with her health but she keeps working until I decide to stop my study and help her. But I can’t when she crying and said,” If you want to makes me happy, please study. As long as I still alive, I will make sure you can study”. That time is very hard, I still cry when I remember it .To enter university, I need to collect money for my own. But I still feel stupid choosing to enter private university without scholarship while you can ask for it.

I went through it successfully. My mom always inspires me. All her words like quote to me surrounding me every day.”If you feel bad, there is somebody who experienced worst than us”. “Be thankful, even we are poor but still we can be a good human”.”Don’t give up whenever you feel trouble, because our life is like climbing mountain. The most difficult part is when you are close to the top” (she always says this, so I always keep trying even the difficulties seem never end).She said something precise to me almost the time.

Sometimes when examination I always say I could not answer the question well. But my mom said “You do answer it right?”.
”Yes, but I am not sure the answer.”
“Don’t worry. At least you answer it. Don’t give up “she simply makes me calm.

My mom tried her best. She lets me enjoy my life as simple as it is. I still remember when our house went down dump by durian tree. It was fasting month, and we still three day before Raya. It was very sad and the house still likes that until now because we don’t have money to build new one. But we still celebrate Hari Raya, happily.

Now I am working, so we are less worry about finance. I want to get a lot of money so my sisters and brothers will not suffer as I did. At least they will not worry much. I am happy, happy with all that I’ve learned.

Then when I am thinking, I should not worry about something that I could not see it sign yet, for example marriage. If I was tackle by many guys, maybe I should put it in my priority list. But it seems I don’t have to worry about that yet. Let‘s other people who questioning me worry about that.

For me, our objective in life is not achieved simply by getting married. If that so, is it mean our life is destroyed when we divorce? I would like to appreciate everything around me. Our life is simple if we think so. Every little thing that happen around me makes me wants to work harder.

Being a wife, mother is really big responsibility. I don’t want to take that because of afraid being lonely or because other people asked me. If I want to get married, it is because I want to. I don’t want to decide and then regret. I want my family will be happy for me and I want to accept them as they are. So many people are regretting in their life. I don’t want to be the one. If my husband divorced me, I will not regret marrying him. I will not blame anyone, because it is my decision in first place. I hope I can be strong more than that.

I did not mean I hate marriage. If I get married I will be happy, if not I want to be happy too. I want to be happy for every single day. I want to love everybody. That’s it. There lot things I must accomplish before someone ask me to be his wife. Right now, let’s be thankful in our situation. Que Sera Sera….

Mom: “Why don’t you search someone who can take care of you?”
Me: “Why do I? I can take care of myself”
Mom:”Then I will pray hard for you”
Me:*Sigh* (How can I resist my mom right?!)